American Hustle
While this movie had a nice story line, it was long, cumbersome, and tedious. Directors and / or screen play writers must think the average movie goer has a diminished IQ, assuming we can't see the "hidden plot twists". Half way through the movie Mike started shifting in his seat. Shifting is an indicator that the movie has lost his attention and he is restless. Hence, my movie ratings are based on the "shifting" scale. 0 shifts are the best, 10 the worst. American Hustle was a 6 shift. This long and mundane story was so highly nominated for.....? I really like the 5 leading actors, Jennifer Lawrence is going to have a long and successful career, assuming she stays off drugs. I have always had a spot for Amy Adams, I assume in person she is witty and level headed, of course she is, because she was raised LDS. ;-) What's not to like about Jeremy Renner or Christian Bale, both fairly talented attractive men can keep my attention solely with their physical presence. Then there's Bradley Cooper. Wow. Could that smile melt me any more? I was disappointed that this film felt like it dragged on long enough that I wasn't leery to take a bathroom break. Perhaps that rating scale should be incorporated somehow....? "Gotta pee, but don't want to miss anything" on one end of the scale to "enough already, my bladder has an ounce in it, perhaps I should go to the bathroom". The gotta go scale, 1 to 10 - 1 being empty bladder but I'll still get up and to10 being the whites of my eyes are yellow but I don't want to miss a thing so I'll sit here in pain until it is over. Because of the opposite numbering of the shifting scale, that may get confusing. Here's Bradley Cooper, just for good measure.
Captain Phillips
I've always been a big fan of Tom Hanks. Pretty much anything he's in is going to be a good film. It's like putting Ron Howard's name on anything. Both to me are synonymous with class, intelligence, dignity, refined humor. Kinda a sure bet. I was pleasantly surprised by Tom's chubby appearance as Captain Phillips. I hope he enjoyed the extra calories getting ready for that role, opposite to the diet needed to befriend "WILSON!" Barkhad Abdi. That's a name to remember. I hope this young man will continue to enjoy his citizenship in the US as the public delves further into his personal life as his popularity increases. The only thing I don't understand about him is how such a slight man can stay warm in Minnesota in the winter?
Barkhad is amazing in his role. Convincing enough that I wanted to learn more about him to make sure he wasn't a ruthless, demented pirate! To the contrary, his personal story is amazing, you should look into it. Captain Phillips the movie was well done, but not without controversy. The lawsuit that was pending last time I looked into it proves how litigious a society we are. Now, I don't know exactly how the men who were really hijacked in the boat feel about the movie, but I think I would enjoy the attention to the story the film caused. Perhaps take advantage of the situation to get my book about the story promoted? Just sayin'. We took Ryan to see this movie, and he also liked it, so not only does it rate a 1 shift, it gets a 12 year old thumbs up.
Dallas Buyer's Club
Being a child of the 70's, I have a vivid memory of the early onset of the "AIDS Epidemic". It was a frightening thing to kids my age to think this disease was running rampant and going to infect everyone! I felt so strongly about my need to help fix the problem, that I was a volunteer for our local AIDS resource network, mentoring a HIV + individual. It was funny though, me, at 20 something being a "mentor" to what ended up being a 40-something man. Like I knew anything about life and had anything other than companionship to contribute to his plight. Shesh. Anyhoo, this movie was a 10 bladder for me. I was pleasantly surprised by Mike's reception to it, I thought that would be off putting to him enough that he would lose interest in it, but he held in there for me. What a super guy! I don't like Matthew McConaughey that thin, I like him better with some meat on his bones, but understand his need to be gaunt for this role. He rarely disappoints, so he can almost go on the Ron Howard list. Top honors in my opinion need to go to Jared Leto. He did an amazing job as Rayon. I would like to have you compare his role in this movie to that which he played in Fight Club. Enough said. What a guy, and not a bad looking woman, either! We should give his band 30 Seconds to Mars a listen, they've been around since '98. I enjoyed the perspective this film gave to the struggles experienced in the early days of HIV and the liberties the major pharmaceutical companies and the government take with our health. It should be on your list of movies to see, coming in at a 2 shifter.
Gravity
I am not afraid to admit I know a hot woman when I see one. In fact, I will tell Mike that "so and so" is a hottie, or look at her bod! I think he finds it appealing that his wife is willing to vocalize that I recognize female attractiveness. Well, at least it gives him a pass to check out the woman in question, solely to confirm that I am not wrong in my observations, of course. Think about Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft. Any woman who is that smart and sexy, and can kick butt as she does, how can that not be attractive to everyone!? Sorry about that digression. Gravity has two of my favs in it. George Clooney (hubba hubba) and Sandra Bullock. I also like Ed Harris, but his role was so small in the film that he didn't make a huge impression on me. Every time I think of this movie, I flash to the "Dumb Ways to Die" video and see the little cartoon space man's head popping, eyeballs floating away. It did have a few graphic moments, fairly intense graphic moments at that. In fact, I think this movie would be best suited to a "how many fingernails did you have left when it was over" rating scale. Edge of your seat, not really. Stressful, yes. Bring on a Xanax. Maybe I found it so difficult to watch as I truly wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid. I was devastated and still manifest uncontrollable tears whenever I remember the 1986 shuttle disaster. Don't take me to Kennedy Center's astronaut memorial without some shades on cause the tears will flow! Gravity is visually amazing. It must have been a challenge to film so many zero gravity sequences and make them so believable. Well done is an understatement. This was a 1 shifter, mainly because of the stress involved in its viewing. Those who partake of alcohol may benefit from a martini prior to viewing, but only if you're watching at home or with a designated driver!
Her
Bleck. It breaks my heart to have to say that, because I really do enjoy Joaquin Phoenix. He's normally quite attractive, but this movie he dons a "Chester the molester" moustache that I just can't get past. Ewww. I hope there is a parent out there somewhere that uses him as a role model for facial scars. My daughter has a scar that is fairly noticeable; let his scar show you that you shouldn't let it hamper your success! Mike and I saw Her on a Friday evening at our local Alamo Drafthouse. I am grateful we saw it there over our "go to" close to home theater. The only reason I didn't get up and leave was the tantalizing bowl of buttery fresh popcorn in my lap. Yes, butter. Not some fake oil crap. I guess I should have realized I wouldn't like Her, despite the buzz it created about reflecting on how technology would impact our lives in the future, because it is a Spike Jonze movie. If I had to tell you the "short list of all time movies that were a waste of a good 2 hours" several of his would be on it, including Being John Malkovich. That movie was so off putting to me that it took me 10 years to not wince anytime I heard Malkovich was going to play in a film we were seeing. Perhaps the fact that I don't indulge in the herbage makes me not able to cognitively comprehend Spike's art. Nah, overall I just don't like his movies. Her allows the viewer plenty of time to actively think about their to-do list, try to remember if they turned off their curling iron, and even decide if their new living room color will be taupe or café au lait. SLOW is an understatement. I mentally finished my taxes in our viewing, and I have a complicated schedule C! If you should choose to watch it, I would suggest a home viewing with a glass of wine if you partake, knitting, crossword puzzle, toe nail clippers, really- anything to pass the time. This movie is 9 shifter. I DID get up to pee without remorse; taking the time to dry my hands all the way with the low pressure hand dryer.
The Wolf of Wall Street
Soft porn anyone? Another Spike Jonze movie that I should have anticipated would be offensive. Matthew Mc has put on a smidge of weight for this role since Dallas Buyers Club, but not much! His small role is funny, but you wonder what meds (prescription or otherwise) the screen writers were on during their brain storming sessions. Must have been something like this. "Let's see if we can put in enough blatant nudity and sex that we can offend EVERYONE!" "Hey John, if you're not going to hit that pass it". "What is Matthew Mc beats on his chest and chants, symbolizing his belonging to a tribe, ya know, a tribe of scoundrels who take money from unwitting people". "Let's let Leo DiCaprio marry a hot controlling bimbo who let's him act on his every wanton whim, so we can have MORE nudity!" "While they're filming, can they use real prostitutes so we can tap it, too?"
If you're still reading this you may remember in the beginning of my post I hinted to my ability to filter out the undesirable in movies? Not this film. It is an offensive "slap it in your face" movie that is NOT to be shown to anyone under the age of 18. If I get my way my kids will NEVER watch it. It makes the sex scenes in A Clockwork Orange look like a kids cartoon. There's a reason it had to be independently funded, I hope the reputable funders have credence enough to not stoop to candles in your bung. The story itself could barely be enjoyed, but if you are able to follow along without the distraction of all the boobs, you'll see a tale that can be told in 5 minutes or less. Jerk steals a bunch of money from unsuspecting people, teaches others how to do it to, thinks he's going to get away with it, but doesn't. Drugs, sex, and money can describe many movies, but cannot do service to this one. There, saved you from a viewing, unless of course you do want to see it just to placate your libido. 7 shifter, only because like most men, Mike likes boobs.
August: Osage County
This movie didn't get nominated for best picture, but Meryl Streep was nominated for best actress in a leading role. We didn't see this film upon its original release because the title was so nondescript that it didn't merit my attention. After Meryl's nomination, I decided I needed to see it. In hind sight, I should have left Mike at home and called on a female companion to accompany me. This film tells the story of a families gathering and antics after their father commits suicide. I know several families I would deem dysfunctional, heck, most are. I've never seen a family that operates like this one. I found the story to be mundane at best. I think the writer and director were trying to strum your heart strings but ended up so off key your ears are likely to bleed. Mix the families inability to communicate even on a juvenile level with a domineering loud mouth prescription drug addict mother with some death, infidelity, incest, child molestation and let's see how it looks on the big screen. It looked like crap, was beyond believable dysfunction, and left me wondering how challenging of a role must it have been for Meryl to play? I mean really, take some ludes and be a bitch, then give me an Oscar nomination? The screenplay was weak, the acting mediocre, and the premise should be insulting to anyone who has a family that they care about. I hoped for more out of a fellow mom of multiples, Julia Roberts. She's thin enough that her ginormous mouth is distracting instead of her trademark asset. The ONLY redeeming mention is the house in which it was set is a cool, turn of the century farm house with beautiful woodwork. Does that tell you anything? There may be some of you who find entertainment in this film. I'm sorry if you do, as that means you can probably relate to this extent of dysfunction and I would like to offer you a chance to do over your childhood. Sorry if that offends, but this 8 shifter left nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth, and I wasn't the one taking all the psychotropics!
I'm off to see if 12 Years a Slave is still showing anywhere closer then GR. Don't want to drive an hour on the crappy snow covered roads we have. Missed seeing Nebraska and Philomena, but they are both on my want to see list, too.
